


What Sirius Black wants

by thewerewolfswife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:12:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1966803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewerewolfswife/pseuds/thewerewolfswife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is the kind of person who knows what they want and doesn't owe anyone anything. So yes, that means he fucks a lot, but it does not mean he has no standards, like everyone thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Sirius Black wants

He is lying in bed in the morning, trying to get over yesterday's blonde - that wore pants but no bra and insisted on being on top - when Remus walks into the dorm room with a box of cookies and two cups of coffee and sits on the bed next to Sirius. They sit and eat in silence like every morning and Remus looks towards James's bed and asks if Sirius knows where he is, and Sirius soesn't know but it is probably with Lilly because he is always chasing after Lily when he is not with Sirius.

And OF COURSE everyone thinks.

The first time he fucked a guy, the rumor spread around campus before he even took a shower. and that is why they always think they have to leave immediately and never make eye contact with him again, and he does not understand them. Because he never said he did not like people, or emotions. Or likes, at all. He just knows what he wants and doesn't owe anyone anything.

the walls of Sirius's room are painted dark pink, the dean told them at the beginning of the year that once those were girls dorms. Not that it matters, because no one ever was allowed to paint the walls of the room. So Sirius and James covered the walls in posters of Kiss and of girls in bikinis  on the hoods of cars they'll never be able to afford, in framed pictures with Remus and Peter, in movie posters and doodles James likes to draw. James once told Sirius that he actually likes the pink walls and when Sirius asked why he said it makes them different, and James likes to be special.

Sirius's parents wanted him to be a lawyer, and made sure he knew in. He knew it of course.He also knew he was going to study philosophy, and his parents were angry and his brother was  angry and the whole family was angry and they said that if he is going to that college he is not coming back. But Sirius knew what he wanted, and did not owe anyone anything. So he didn't come back.

Remus always says that Sirius should learn to be more careful. When Sirius made the first motorcycle accident Remus was the first to visit him in the hospital. the next day James came as well, brought cookies from Lily and said she sends her love. Peter had to study for an important test. When Sirius thought he got a girl pregnant, Remus was the first he talked to. The following day came James, who said Lily knows her and everything was fine, and he's not going to be a father anytime soon. Peter was at his parents on holidays.

But Remus never warned him about emotions, and then he meets Lauren and she drives a Harley and likes Queen, and her brain is the only thing more worn out than her leather jacket, and Sirius falls hard. James tells him to leave it and Sirius almost listens to him when he declares that he and Lily are getting married this Saturday and Remus shakes his head in disappointment but says congratulations and of course he'll be there even though he knows they are so young and that evening Sirius comes to Lauren's One Bedroom Apartment who's walls are covered In Photos of Motorcycles and the landscapes of Spain - she went there once as a child and always dreamed to go back but it's not that she has extra cash - and he tells her he can not do this anymore and the fire consumes him from the inside and soon enough nothing will remain of mim Because there  barely is anything there already.

So James and Lily get married, and Sirius embarrasses everybody with the drunkest - most improvised - disastrous toast ever seen, and Remus and Peter sit horrified in their suits but James laughs because he is happier than he ever was and Lily is by his side and she is so beautiful. Not a year passes before James announced the pregnancy. They are no longer in college anymore - Remus is a teacher and Peter is a waiter and James is a bartender and Sirius is a pool cleaner because what the fuck did he think to do with a degree in philosophy and Lily is a kindergarten teacher and she is pregnant and everyone is happy - even Remus, who always knows the right thing to do and this time is not exception but he is happy. And when Sirius tells Lauren she is also happy even though she can nothelp but mention they just finished college and he is a bartender and she is a kindergarten teacher and what the fuck with a child right now and Sirius knows she is right but it is like he can not hear. because he is going to be the godfather.

When Lauren moves in with him, he feels like life could not be better. This is a one bedroom apartment and they have to work their asses off all day to afford it, but every night they come back home make dinner, and eat it in front of the small TV and lie naked on the sofa and there is no place they would rather be. But sometimes Sirius wakes up in the middle of the night and sees a light in the little kitchen and Lauren is sitting there, tears running down her face and she looks at the small refrigerator in the corner. On it are some receipts from deliveries of pizza and Thai food and only a single picture. From her trip to Spain when she was eighteen. She is lying on the beach topless and her hair striped with gold the sun left. He wants to go up to her but does not know what to say. Because what can help when you are just not complete.

So Sirius does not know why he ןs surprised when he comes home one night and she is not there. Her Harley is parked in front of the building, the only thing she left besides the receipt on the fridge for a one way plane ticket to Spain. He just wants to go to to James's, that would say Lily can fix everything with a cake and some kind words, but as always Remus is ahead of him. he is ahead of the police too. He enters the apartment with baby Harry in his hands and says he is sorry. there was a burglary, James tried to stop them but they had a gun, Lily managed to call the police just before the bullet hit her in the head. He tried to call Peter but no one heard from him in weeks.

But Sirius is in shock and he just does not know what to do other than lean against the wall and try to breathe. Remus tucks Harry on the sofa and tries to get him to sleep, and his constant weeping is like ringing in Sirius's ears. He stumbles on to the floor, and just stays there until Harry calms down and Remus sits down next to him and just hugs him. For the first time since Sirius can remember he just says nothing. He does not tell him he should have been more careful, that if he would have listened to him when he told him to be responsible none of this would have happened. Because he doesn't have Lauren and not James and Lily. He only has Remus. And Harry, who had awakened again and began screaming Because he just wants his mother. And fuck it if he knows how to take care of a baby.

Remus suggests he will move in with him - he will help him take care of Harry if he wants - and Sirius does not know how to thank him. Remus has a big apartment, and his fridge is always full, he has a cradel for Harry and a sofa-bed until they find an apartment with an extra room for Sirius. And it is not enough for Sirius to know How to Handle a living, breathing baby in his hands - or the fact that he feels so alone suddenly - but it's enough to live, and to- maybe just for a few moments- be just fine.

 

After three months he is still living with Remus, he is still a pool cleaner, and He had not yet adjusted to the fact that he has a child, but Remus is there and it helps and when he is coming back one evening to a clean house and a dinner and a real family like he never had, it feels more than normal to kiss Remus on the lips and tell him he bought pink paint for Harry's nursery Because it was James's favorite color, and that he feels good. Because he knows what he wants, and that's exactly what he has at the moment.


End file.
